Never did I expect one simple question to dramatically impact me so profoundly.

It wasn’t so much the question itself, it was the interaction that stemmed from the question. We began with a very innocent and simple question, which morphed into a conversation which gradually became a far deeper conversation, well beyond where either one of us ever expected the conversation to go. Through our dialog we discovered many similarities between us. We also shared some of our hopes and dreams as well as some of the troubles life was throwing at us.

It was an incredible conversation, much more of a connection between two people comfortable enough to entrust some deeply personal thoughts with each other, and a commitment to proactively “be there” for each other. A promise to inspire each other as we strive to fulfill our hopes and dreams. A promise to help each other get unstuck when the weight of our troubles grinds us to a halt.

Our conversation has challenged me to re-examine what friendship actually means.

NO CLOSER We all have people in our lives we consider friends. Friends are people that you’d do anything for. Usually helping out a friend in need is reactionary. They need our help because something has already happened that they need to resolve. Being there is what good friends are supposed to do.

Most relationships these days, including those with our friends, have become more superficial. The pressures and demands of each day leave very little time for the deeper things, a troublesome side effect of the age we live in. You’d think that with Facebook, Twitter, e-mail, and unlimited texting that our relationships with our friends would have gotten deeper. But have social media and cell phones actually brought us closer to those we consider friends?

DEEPEST FEARS My conversation with my new friend was the deepest, most meaningful conversation I have had in a very long time. I had forgotten how this type of conversation makes me feel alive, makes me feel purposeful. It is forcing me to look at the quality of the conversations I have with all my friends. I wonder how well I really know the people I consider to be the most important in my life.

I know where my friends work. I know their birthdays. I know their political views. I know where they vacation. But do I know what their deepest fears are? Do I know of the frustrations that they may be feeling in their lives? Do I know of their regrets? Do I know of what they really hope to achieve in this world?

Sharing deeply held emotions is not something people readily volunteer. We are taught that we need to be strong. We are not supposed to show any weakness or fragility. Sharing deeply held emotions opens us up to uncertainty, the uncertainty that our honesty may be used against us. In an unforgiving world, who wants to show that they are vulnerable? Who wants to admit that they hurt?

QUIET DESPERATION Something tells me that inside all of us, though, there is something that hurts. Behind the warmest eyes, the prettiest smile, the manliest of handshakes, inside there is something that hurts. Perhaps a quiet desperation. It could be fear, frustration, confusion, uncertainty, a lack of acceptance. It could be events in your past that have profoundly damaged you. It could be as simple as feeling alone.

If I am a true friend, isn’t it my responsibility to know these things about my friends? Do I not have an obligation to let my friends know that I am always available should their hurt start to hurt too much? That I am here with shoulders to cry upon and shoulders to stand upon? That I am here to inspire them and to challenge them to become all that they were created to become?

I’ve always “been there” for my friends when they’ve needed me. But do they know that I am here for them before they need me, before the hurt starts to hurt in the first place?

BEING PROACTIVE Even those who are friends may not be willing to share their deepest thoughts or the source of what hurts. Again, society frowns on the admission of pain. But letting those in your life know that you are available, unconditionally, to help them deal with their pain may open up a dialog that can possibly make the pain go away.

Pain usually never goes away by itself.

There is a hauntingly beautiful song by the band REM entitled “Everybody Hurts”. (Link to view the video is at the bottom of the page.) The song encourages us to “take comfort in your friends”. It’s a great thing to have friends to comfort you when the world is bringing you down. But the lesson my new friendship has taught me is that friendship should be far more proactive.

Friendship is more than being there when things go wrong. It’s about establishing deeper connections, about really getting to know those you love and cherish the most. Proactively befriending those in your life creates a deeper connection and understanding which has the power to change lives, both for you and those around you.

It’s being there before things go wrong.

The love established through deeper human connections is the ultimate pain killer.

Gandhi tells us to “be the change you wish to see in the world.” Establishing deeper connections with and a deeper understanding of all the people in your life will profoundly change your immediate world and all those in it.

DON’T ASSUME Take a look at your circle of friends. Sure, they know that you’d be there for them in their time of need. But do they know that you’re there for them before their hurt starts to hurt in the first place? I encourage you to gain a deeper understanding of those you love and to establish a more proactive relationship with all of them. Let them know that you are there for them, to encourage and inspire them, to chat when they feel weak, to remind them of all the greatness that lies within them.

Isn’t that what friendship should really be?

And don’t assume that they know. Be proactive and make sure that they know.

In our fast-pace, disposable, superficial world, never before has the need for deeply meaningful human connection been greater than it is today.

It’s a great day to be you!

Click here for the video link to “Everybody Hurts” by REM

WARNING:

This post contains a BIG BOLD STATEMENT.

It seems like a lot of people are looking for happiness. Walk through any bookstore and count the number of times you see the words “happy” or “happiness”. If you had $5 for each time you saw those words you could probably make a mortgage payment. Just for fun, Google the word “happiness”. The last time I did, Google came back with over 75,400,000 entries. I found sites about happiness quotes, happiness poems, happiness articles, happiness blogs, happiness affirmations, happiness posters, happiness videos, even happiness retreats. I found happiness everything.

I can’t help but wonder…with such an overly abundant supply of happiness support materials, are we in the middle of some sort of unhappiness pandemic?

THE SMILE FACADE We all know unhappy people, the ones who are so unhappy on the inside that their unhappiness bleeds through to their outside. But there is a second batch of unhappy people. I call them the Functionally Unhappy.

The Functionally Unhappy show no signs of unhappiness on the outside. They smile. They laugh. They can even be successful by traditional societal standards. But in the moments of silence and reflection in the course of their day, they are reminded that something is missing. Something just isn’t right. The Emptiness Demon is whispering not-so-sweet nothings in their ear.

The Functionally Unhappy are thrilled to be distracted by the busywork associated with the daily activities of life. The distractions allow them to not have to face the unhappiness perculating just below the surface. Distractions can also take the form of retail transactions, bigger houses, and exotic vacations. As the distractions fail to produce the desired result of real happiness, that frustration is often muted with comfort food, alcohol, and in some cases, drugs.

The Functionally Unhappy are also searchers, always trying to find that one key to happiness that has to be lying around somewhere.

I am a recovering Functionally Unhappy person. I have lived what I speak of. Despite all the good things in my life, I just wasn’t happy. I was always searching for whatever it was I thought I’d need to find my happiness. The unhappiness was always present at various levels of intensity. It was like walking with a pebble in your shoe. No one knew it was there, but I could feel it with every step.

YELLING AT GOD There was, and to this day remains no logical reason why I was unhappy. I had everything I was supposed to have. Nothing was holding me back. Nothing was in my way. Yet something was missing. When you spend all your time searching, you spend no time being present. There was a gnawing clash between my expectations and my reality, even though I could never clearly define my own expectations. It was a time of great frustration.

Next time you talk to God, ask Him about the time I was yelling at Him during a long, lonely walk on the beach.

My quest to “find” happiness lead me in many directions. Usually it led me to Barnes & Noble. Barnes & Noble became my happiness methadone clinic. I knew that the answers I was looking for were to be found within the pages of some book on some shelf somewhere in Barnes & Noble. Or so I hoped.

I bought a lot of books.

MOMENT OF CLARITY Everyone seems to have a theory on attaining happiness. The theories range from the spiritual to the scientific and everything in between. Even after reading all those books, I found nothing in and of itself was the “cure” to my condition. The One Man Army of Misery marched on and on.

In my search for real happiness, I eventually came to understand that I had a vision problem. It wasn’t my eyes. It was what I was seeing.

A significant moment of clarity came my way when I stumbled upon a quote from Wayne Dyer: “When you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change.” It sounded physically impossible, even illogical, that simply seeing things differently could change what I was looking at. But somehow it did. Those fifteen words challenged me to look at everything from a different perspective. Most importantly, I was challenged to look at myself and my life through a different paradigm.

Which has lead me to the BIG BOLD STATEMENT: Happiness is not something you attain, it’s something you realize.

I’ve never found happiness. Yet I am extremely happy. More peaceful than I can ever remember being. But I never found happiness. Finding happiness implies that it is located outside of you, over there, somewhere else. Like finding your car keys or a great parking space at the mall.

Happiness only comes from looking inside. I was already happy, I just didn’t know it. I needed to change the way I looked at my life, and that change enabled me to slowly begin to appreciate all the wonder I had been surrounded by all these years.

ROOT OF ALL HAPPINESS As money is the root of all evil, the root of all happiness is appreciation. It was only when I began to allow myself to fully appreciate who I was as well as all the dormant greatness that was bestowed upon me did the sunshine of happiness break through the storm clouds. Only when I allowed myself to begin to fully appreciate the family, friends and relationships I already had in my life was I able to walk away from my darkness. The same eyes that once only saw what was missing now only saw what was. The same mind that stewed in impossibility and scarcity now celebrated all that I was and all that I was capable of becoming.

The pebble was no longer in my shoe.

No one is born unhappy. That’s something we unknowingly and gradually bring upon ourselves. And that comes from us forgetting about who we really are. We focus on attainment and fitting in, we enter the realm of status and ego, even at the unintended expense of squelching the greatness and purpose that lies within us. I don’t fully understand how I got so lost, but I do understand how I got back. Changing how I thought about myself and my life allowed me to regain the appreciation that I once had for myself and all that is in my life. Only with the foundation of appreciation was I able to realize the happiness that I spent years trying to find outside of me.

Happiness is not something you attain, it’s something you realize.

Living Half Full is all about appreciating the greatness of your life. And only from that authentic appreciation can we ever expect to make the most of the unique combination of talents, gifts, and abilities that dwell within each of us. There very well may be 2,134 ways to be happy, but no one will ever know true happiness without first appreciating the greatness of the life they already have.

Celebrate all that you are and all that you are capable of becoming.

Regain the reverence and appreciation for all that you are.

Realize your happiness!

It’s a great day to be you!

You’d think after some 50,000 meals that I’ve had in my lifetime I would have figured out this eating thing. It’s not the physical act of ingesting food that’s got me stumped. It’s not the chewing, and my fork skills are excellent.

It’s the tasting.

Food, for the most part, is something that I simply consume. It’s no different than regular unleaded is to my Honda Accord.  When the tank gets empty it’s time to refuel. Spending a great deal of my time on the road affords me the opportunity to sample a wide variety of not-so-good-for-you fast foods.  Far too many of my meals begin with a static-filled conversation involving a speaker and a window.

EXCUSE #1 I rationalize my eating habits by invoking the reliable “I don’t have the time” excuse. I call that Excuse #1. Just far too much to do today and for every remaining day of my life. “No time to sit down and enjoy a real lunch…I don’t have the time.” I’m really good at Excuse #1.

For someone who eats far too much fast food, I tend to watch a lot of the Food Network. I don’t really cook that much because…(insert Excuse #1 here). I am always amazed with what I consider the extravagant extremes of some of the recipes being prepared. My favorites recipe extremist is chef Bobby Flay. To support my claim, I offer as evidence two menu items that can be found on his website: “Fried Chicken and Wild Rice Pancakes with Pink Peppercorn Butter and Maple-Horseradish Syrup” and the “Grilled White Corn Taco with BBQ Pork Loin, Roasted Red Bliss Potatoes, and Tomatillo-Red Pepper Relish.” Wow. And those are just the names of the dishes…imagine the presentation!

I never understood “fancy” food. The range of my palate is best described as being equal to a box of Crayola crayons. A very small box of Crayola crayons. Blue is simply blue, yellow is simply yellow, and green is simply just green. For me, food is either good or it’s not. Not the evaluative credentials that will get me hired as a food critic any time soon.

INTIMATE DETAILS I am amazed, though, how a chef can stick his pinky into a sauce pan and identify every ingredient in the pan with a single lick of his finger. His highly developed palate makes that possible. Much like a sommelier being able to describe the character and nuance of a particular wine. The chef and the sommelier have both developed their palates to an advanced point where they are able to discern the most intimate details with a single taste.

It’s all about the intimate details.

What gifted chefs and sommeliers do that I don’t do is taste. I mean really taste. In the moment that the food or drink is being tasted, nothing else matters. They are fully present, aware only of what they are tasting at that moment. Their intense presence combined with their trained palates affords them the opportunity to fully extract and identify all the layers of flavor, the textures, and the contrasts contained within each bite or sip.

CELEBRATE THE NUANCE In our never ending journey to get wherever it is we feel the need to get to, our lives can take on a fast food quality. Each day just another step on the Stairway to Someplace Else. Each day mindlessly morphing into the next. Life, with fries. Next window, please.

Life wasn’t designed to be consumed. Life was designed to be tasted, to fully extract the layers of flavor, the textures, and the contrasts of the moments of our lives. That can only happen when we are fully present in each of the moments of our lives. No tomorrow. No yesterday. Just now. Right here. Given the chance, our senses will provide us with all we’ll need to celebrate the nuances of each moment.

Are you fully extracting the flavors, textures, and contrasts of your life?

ACTION PLAN The first step is stopping. Find yourself at any given moment and just stop. Just for a moment. Invoke the senses and simply observe what you see, smell, hear, and feel. No need for judgement. Let be what is. Just be fully present in this moment. Allow the moment to take you where it may. Then offer the universe a message of thanks and gratitude.

Repeat this stopping and observing process several times each day. Schedule selected times each day if you need to and put it in your planner. Repetition creates habits, and soon stopping and observing will become second nature. You’ll soon be awash in appreciation of all that you are and all that you have in your life.

Living Half Full means living fully present. It is only when we are fully present that we will see and celebrate all that it is we already have in our lives. No need to be climbing the Stairway to Someplace Else when you come to fully appreciate where you are right now.

Bobby Flay’s “extreme” culinary creations are a celebration of flavors, textures, and contrasts.  Celebrate the flavors, textures, and contrasts of your life.

Reconnect with your own intimate details.

It’s a great day to be you!

“Don’t cry because it’s over. Smile because it happened.”

So much about the quality of life is really how we chose to look at it. It’s where and what we chose to focus our attention on. The quote above, from Theodor Geisel, better known as Dr. Seuss, perfectly illustrates that point.

Think of anything good that has ever happened in your life. A special relationship, a great vacation, the best school year ever, an incredible concert, your business taking off. Anything. The laws of the universe dictate, unfortunately, that all things will eventually come to an end. At some point, something is gone. A void will be created. When things that matter no longer exist, we are conditioned to focus on the loss and sadness that accompany it.  It’s a very natural reaction, one that I’ve quite often experienced myself.

WHAT IF… With our understanding of the temporary nature of all things, what if we could use that wisdom to change our response to life when what was no longer is?

The cornerstone of Living Half Full is appreciating all that you are and all that you have…right now. It’s about living a life of awe and gratitude for the life that you have…right now. It’s looking at the events of your life and the people and relationships within that life with reverence, gratitude, and appreciation. It’s considering yourself fortunate to have experienced something wonderful that now may be over. It’s learning to smile simply because it happened and you got to be a part of it!

OUR GREATEST CHALLENGE The moments of life are forever fleeting. Time isn’t waiting for anyone. It’s all temporary. Within the precious moments of our lives our greatest challenge is to live fully within each of those finite moments. To be fully present and engaged, extracting all that life’s moments have to offer.

It is unrealistic to expect never to cry when things are over. Beating hearts are just not wired that way.  But by remembering and cherishing what it was that you were fortunate to be a part of, the rain of tears will eventually give way to the sunshine of a smile. You’ll have realized how blessed you were to be a part of something great!

Only you get to chose how you respond to the events that shape your life.

Smile.

Live in awe of who you are.

Appreciate everything.

It’s a great day to be you!

Do you remember how it made you feel?

I had a great experience recently. It made my day. I received a message from someone in response to a comment I made on her blog post. She had eloquently written a piece that resonated with me at a very deep level. Her words prompted me share my honest appreciation for what she had written. Later, she sent me a warm reply which included these words: “you made my day”.

Wow.

I was stunned. I made someone’s day? Me? How did that happen?

I don’t know if I’ve ever made anyone’s day before. If I did, no one ever told me that I did. But the funny thing about being told that you made someone’s day is that, in turn, it makes your day as well. I can still feel the physiological changes that instantly radiated within me. Four little words, a simple expression of thanks and gratitude, made me a better person that day.

A HIGHER LEVEL Whether we admit it or not, we all long to be appreciated. We all hope that others will recognize and acknowledge our contributions to the communities and tribes which we belong to. Recognition of our contributions inspires us to then contribute at an even higher level. We feel valued. We feel relevant.

When was the last time anyone took the time to tell you how much you’re appreciated?

The pace of life these days leaves little time to breathe, let alone time to stop even for a moment to thank someone for what it is they do. The faster the pace, the more we take and are taken for granted. But that doesn’t eliminate the human need to be appreciated.

RESPONSIBILITY The only way to build the better world that we all long for is by building better people. I fully accept the personal responsibility to encourage, inspire, and challenge all those within my individual community to reconnect with their own greatness. To rediscover and celebrate their own unique gifts and talents and to encourage them to share them with the world. To make sure that they know that they are appreciated.

To become their Day Maker!

Day Making is all about sincere appreciation. It’s about genuine gratitude. It’s not about getting something in return. There are countless ways to make someone’s day. Here are five ways to become a Day Maker to those within your circle.

1. Say “Thank You” – Offer a true heartfelt thank you in recognition for the contributions that a person makes. It could be an employee, it could be a customer, it could be your child who helps clean the house once a week. Look this person square in the eye and tell them you appreciate all their efforts.
2. Flowers for No Reason – There are times you give flowers out of obligation (anniversary, birthdays), and there are times you give flowers to say you’re sorry. The best time to give flowers is for no reason at all. Flowers, just because. I have brought small bouquets of freshly cut flowers home for no other reason than I thought my wife would like them. I have brought bouquets of flowers to my business customers for no reason other than out of appreciation for all that they do. The impact is huge!
3. A Quick Phone Call – A simple phone call with the singular purpose of offering your appreciation of the recipient’s contributions. The key is to only chat about your appreciation. Don’t discuss anything else. Call back later if you wish to discuss anything else. The singular focus of your call will magnify the impact of your appreciation.
4. Send a Personal Note – A hand written personal note is very rare these days, which makes them even more powerful. Some one in your office or organization goes above and beyond? Be sure to acknowledge their efforts with a note of appreciation. Your client refers you to a potential new customer? Be sure you make the effort to appreciate the efforts they made on your behalf. I love dropping notes into my kids’ lunch boxes, just to remind them how much I believe in them.
5. Go Public – Great service, great work, even great grades present wonderful opportunities to become a Day Maker. After telling the server how great your dining experience was, why not take a few seconds and share your satisfaction with her supervisor? The landscaping crew does an exceptional job bringing your lawn back to life in the spring? Call the owner of the company and tell him how great his crew performed. And if your child comes home with a great report card or aces a difficult assignment, be sure the entire family knows the good news!

Think of the awesome power you have. You, through your words and actions of appreciation, will lift the recipients of your words and actions to new heights. The impact is immeasurable.

Living Half Full means being the Day Maker. It’s accepting the responsibility to build those around you, and the first step is based upon your genuine appreciation of all that they contribute and accomplish.

This is a leadership position that anyone can assume.

ACTION PLAN Each day find one opportunity to make someone’s day by expressing your genuine appreciation for what it is that they do.

Your family, your friends, your company, your community all need your leadership on this.

Become a Day Maker.

Can we count on you?

It’s a great day to be you!